to be a mother…

Here I have been sitting, wondering how to do this project describing my plans for a future career & how I will achieve it. If I write about my career as a professional illustrator, I would have to say that I want to work for a publisher and churn out pictures 24/7- say that I would be happy with a salary of no less than $40,000 a year, and I can envision myself as some such-and-such in the world of artists and illustrators. And in the truth of this moment, this one thing becomes clear. This career assignment would be easy if I were writing about what I really want to be… a mother.

Here I am training in a prestigious art program, spending my days with all that concerns art. Telling my teachers that I want to be an illustrator – waiting for praise from them like a dog for a bone, and trying to hide the burden building on my heart of not wanting this,  knowing it will be expensive and it will take so many years, and so much effort. And all I want to be is a mother. To have my own home and make my own bread and paint the walls and love my kids… to know that after work, my man would come in the door and I would have the honor of serving him & loving him as long as we both live.

Until the man walks into my life, I will be an artist. I will hide my true calling and masquerade behind my brushes & canvas. And when he comes, my life will begin.

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2 thoughts on “to be a mother…

  1. As mommy to 3, I understand that longing. I’d encourage you to never give up the other side of who you are….the you now, the artist you are and aspire to be, that’s a gift. And there will be days when you’re a mom that you are so very thankful to have joy and escape in your art. Never give it up. =)

    • Thank you for your encouragement… I am determined to keep going toward this goal of being an artist, because that is what God has for me right now. Most of the time I am excited about this, but during the times when I am just plain tired I will remember that God led me here & will give me strength.

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