I wonder if it’s really possible to change and be the kind of person that likes bright sunlight, energetic children, and parties… I’m not sure if that’s the goal or not. Hasn’t God created me to love things like fog and rain, and dusky skies, and sleeping babies, and an evening alone? Maybe love means being willing to change, to spend your life in ways that you might not have chosen. Isn’t that what my own mother has done? I know that I get my personality from her. She, like me, prefers silence and solitude, yet she had five children and not many times of quiet, and then had to start all over with grandkids. Sometimes I look at her and absolutely tremble at the thought of having to endure and learn and grow as she has. I know that with God all things are possible, even though I still am surprised whenever he answers my prayers. I just need the eyes to see what should change in me, and the faith to actually pray for them.
This quotation makes me shrink away… but it is true, I know.
“Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” (C. S. Lewis)